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The Naked Traveler By Joseph R. G. DeMarco Visit the author's blog and Web site at: totallyjoe.blogspot.com
josephdemarco.com
 The Rose City has a lot to offer a tourist in search of naked travel experiences. Of course, for the naked beer lover, one of Portland’s other nicknames is said to be Brewtopia — you’ll see why when you get there. You’ll find plenty of naked experiences, beer, and more in this far northwest corner of the United States.
There are plenty of places to stay, other than the big chains; Portland offers some unique small hotels like the Ace and the Hotel deluxe; a stay at either place will guarantee you something to talk about if you ever run out of naked tales to tell about your time in Stumptown (oops, yet another nickname, supposedly based on all the tree stumps left over as they cleared the land for development).
For the best naked time of all in Portland (other than between your very own sheets) your first stop has to be Silverado (silveradopdx.com). Recently moved to their new location on 3rd Avenue, Silverado has some of the hottest show-it-all strippers you are likely to see in the USA. They perform nightly (except Mondays when you can embarrass yourself at the Karaoke mic) and their performances are nonstop. These boys put on a show that leaves nothing to the imagination. Nothing. Be careful if you visit this place on your first night in Portland, you may not want to go anywhere else. The staff will present another factor in your decision to make this your favorite haunt — “hot” only begins to describe them. Silverado also has microbrew nights, so you can taste the best of the local brews and get snockered before you watch the boys do their thing on stage. Latin nights with Meesha Peru are fun and the ever popular Rocky Rhodes leads the karaoke and other festive events at Silverado.
 CC Slaughters Nightclub (ccslaughterspdx.com) is the complete naked package and you won’t want to miss it. You can spot some flesh here especially in the hot and hunky Portland guys who shed their shirts to whirl on the spacious dance floor. You can also spend some time with old movies on Mondays, Karaoke on Tuesdays, and other fun nights on the schedule. Fridays are the Naked Traveler’s favorite, especially with a name like Filthy Fridays. And the staff … what is it with a city that has bar staff hotter and cuter than anywhere for miles around? Maybe it has something to do with the water or the weather.
One thing you’ll note, while visiting Portland, is that each bar tries to outdo the others in the cutting-edge department. There is nothing so new that one of these places won’t have it. Boxxes (boxxes.com) stays on that edge very well. DJs who know their hip-hop from their electroclash know also how to make the themed nights rock for the patrons. And locals do come in droves for fun. Some of that fun is provided by yet another gorgeous staff. I won’t tell you my favorite, but I will say that all the bars this naked traveler has visited almost anywhere seem to find some of the sweetest, prettiest barbacks. And the go-go boys will also make your nights special at Boxxes. Another plus in the naked column.
The Red Cap Garage (redcapgarage.com) part of the Boxxes complex in a connected building, is a restaurant (where among other things you can get fish ‘n chips) and a bar/lounge and they have go-go boys. The Naked Traveler scopes out these things so you don’t have to. The craziness goes on into the wee hours and you can be entertained by dancing boys until at least 3 A.M.
 Darcelle XV (darcellexv.com) is a drag bar with some fabulous shows. They’re entertaining and not a bad way to spend an evening. If you are there on Friday and Saturday and if you’re very lucky, you may wangle a seat at the male stripper revues that start at midnight. If you’ve attended an earlier show you can get in free (if there’s a seat) or you can just arrive for the male flesh and pay your $15 (for which you get two items). But get there early, despite the fact that other places in town have male strippers; these shows are special and seats fill up fast (well, you know what I mean). There’s also food available but who’d be able to concentrate on food when there’s man flesh to be had?
The Eagle (portlandeagle.com) is the leather home for those so deliciously inclined. Once again you’ll be wowed by the staff: hot, sometimes shirtless and always friendly. There’s a Best Basket contest, where the contestants have absolutely no secrets from the judges. Likewise when they have other events like the Hairy Chest & Fuzzy Butt night, or underwear parties, or any of the other inventive ways they have for men to show their stuff. You will be able to see it all here, so get thee to the Eagle.
Scandals (scandalspdx.com) has the Kahlua boys who perform on certain nights at this classy bar. It’s one of the glitzier places to spend some time for drinks and dance. Again, they have a knockout staff who will be only to happy to show you Portland’s friendly side.
Now, when you want to relax away from the bar scene but you haven’t filled your need for naked sights, then you may want to try Steam (steamportland.com). They actually asked men what they wanted in a sauna when they designed the place and Steam was the outcome. And a fine design it is. All the standard amenities of most saunas, but pumped up with elegance, style, and a masculine aura that make it different and nakedly appealing. A sling room, a spa pool, double rooms, lockers, a large steam room, free internet, and cleanliness are among the offerings. The third Saturday of every month is Blackout Night when at 10 PM the lights go out and men have anonymous fun all around the place. Glow sticks are given to patrons for navigational purposes and you will undoubtedly see some men getting very creative with those things. You won’t be sorry you made the trip to Steam Portland.
And you won’t regret a trip to the far northwest. Whether you call it Rose City, Brewtopia, or Stumptown, Portland offers lots of fleshy fun for the naked traveler in you.
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