This is the way doctor should always be played. About 20 years ago, I couldn’t control my feet when I heard that beat so I paged Dr. Beat. Well now it’s time I started Paging Dr. Finger, one of the best titled films in recent memory. A blend of biting humor, a fantastic cast that will keep viewers’ hearts pumping, and white-hot sex that will have blood boiling equates to one of the most blistering films of the year.

The doctors and nurses in Paging Dr. Finger won’t take your temperature with a thermometer or use a tongue depressor to make you open up and say “Ahhh,” since their ample cocks are just as accessible. And they certainly won’t tell you to take two and call them in the morning. The unsuspecting patients don’t always get a cure for what they came into the ER for, but they definitely leave with some sort of remedy. The only remedy needed for this film is instead of putting trailers at the beginning of the film that you can’t skip over, they should be part of the menu in their own special file.

Dr. Finger's patients don’t worry if the doc gives them a lollipop for being good because they’ve already sucked on something during the examination. Whether it’s migraines, a constant hardon, or something stuck up your butt, there are no long waits in the ER, no insurance hassles, and the doctors and nurses are willing to service their patients.

The film starts on a high note even before the DVD is slipped into your player: the cover will give you heart palpitations after seeing a beautiful and gasp-worthy hole-pole shot of Johnny Gunn. If you can see past him, you’ll see the delectable Ross Hurston, who will immediately wipe out any memories of McSteamy or McDreamy as he stares intently while dressed in a white lab coat, shirt, tie, and blue latex gloves.

Once the show begins, so does the funny. Jackson Wild is wheeled into the ER by EMTs Dillon Crow and Kai Ford. Wild is complaining of stomach issues while Dr. Trevor Knight, who looks totally hot with darker colored hair, checks his vitals.

Knight puts on the gloves, telling Wild he has to check his rectum, when suddenly Wild gets all squeamish and embarrassed. It turns out those stomach pains are caused by the huge butt plug up his ass. After he tells Knight this, Ford feeds his cock to Wild while Crow services Knight, who also looks exceptionally sexy with body hair, while he plays with Wild’s plug.

The scene focuses around the plug, causing Knight to engage in some serious assplay on Wild. After the plug comes out, Ford fucks Wild while Knight fucks Crow, then everyone switches like a Dosado as Crow fucks Wild while Knight fucks Ford. During the oral portion of this scene when everyone is coupled, things get a little slow, but once the guys get into a group, the scene ignites.

Elsewhere in the ER, C.J. Knight has come in because of a hard situation: he has a constant hardon. Luckily, Nurse Gunn gets right on, literally, as he eagerly devours Knight’s cock. Usually a bottom, Knight switches roles and fucks the cock hungry Gunn atop an exam table, with Gunn begging and moaning nonstop for more before they switch and Gunn fucks the cum out of Knight. Did Gunn’s treatment help remedy Knight? For now, it seems.

The models’ versatility in that scene was surprising and wonderful, but when doctor Vinnie D’Angelo flip-fucks with Jake Dakota it’s breathtaking. Dakota has constant migraines, and after a checkup, D’Angelo’s prognosis is that he’s anal retentive, so he fucks Dakota with his finger, his thick cock, and a black dildo. After exhausting those resources, Dakota takes a whack at D’Angelo. D’Angelo shows his one-time bottoming in Hot House’s Jockstrap was no fluke. He takes a pounding just as good as Dakota took a few minutes ago. D’Angelo checks his patient one last time for another fucking before the cum flies.

Nurses have to take a break, and when Bo Dixon comes across Ty LeBeouf, the break room becomes a sex room as the incredibly buff and hairy Dixon fucks LeBeouf on a table, making LeBeouf shoot his load on it, which he happily laps up, too.

The day comes to an end when Dr. Hurston and Nurse Gunn sedate patient Francesco D’Macho. He’s not sedated enough to know they’re sucking his uncut cock, so to thank them for their hard work, he doesn’t give them his insurance card, he gives them both a ferocious ass pounding. The videography in the entire film is beautiful, but it shines in this scene as viewers get beautiful views from behind as D’Macho’s thick tool opens up Hurston’s hairy hole while Gunn swallows Hurston’s cock. Hurston is quite done with his examination, so he hops up on the exam table and fucks D’Macho before they all leave samples on D’Macho’s hairy frame.

If health care was what it’s like in the fantastically titled, acted and oversexed Paging Dr. Finger, no one would worry about universal health care, and doctors would be revered once more. The patients in this film definitely don’t care for an apple a day.

The DVD has trailers, photo, fucking and cumshot galleries, scene selection; 109 minutes.

posted July 26, 2008