The 16th Annual Hard Choice Awards
(for films reviewed in 2009)

It's that time of year when everyone with something to say puts it in a list. This is my list. No party, no fanfare, no shindig, no porn stars, no statuettes. No lifetime achievement awards, no drag queens, no envelopes, no acceptance speeches, no Ms. Congeniality. Just the year's best in all-male porn.

Guaranteed to keep you hard.

By Onan the Vulgarian
With Harley Shadow

There are two people I can always count on to have the right words to express just about any thought or sentiment: William Shakespeare and Bob Dylan. One of the most universal of Dylan's observations is "You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows." In other words, we already know that 2009 was an unkind year to many. Some studios folded; many cut back production and a few went on hiatus. Yet others relentlessly pressed on, hewing to rigorous production schedules.

Piracy, the bad economy, ubiquitous free porn and changing technology continue to bode ill for the DVD. I don't understand it. I spend a fair part of the year in a place where Internet service is available only via satellite and bandwidth is strictly rationed. A website membership would be impossible there. DVDs are the only sensible way to watch porn. Can the rest of the world be so better connected?

Earlier in the year, I wrote that while the industry is undergoing this "correction," to borrow language not from Dylan or Shakespeare but from Wall Street, we can hope to see the essence of gayporn distilled. Less mediocrity and more sizzling sex will get the audience's attention back. That might be true, but 2009 did not provide the proof I anticipated. Fewer films overall landed in my mailbox, and there was still too much that was average. So let's move on to better things.

Foreign studios made a bigger impact in 2009, as measured by the number of contenders in the Foreign Film, Foreign Actor and Foreign Director categories, and the difficulty of making choices. On home soil, it was the major studios that dominated, with less competition from the "little guys." It was also interesting to watch former models step behind the camera, and several are worth singling out.

Steve Cruz, last year's Best New Director, and his working partner Leif Gobo, have reinvented Mustang Studios. Good porn will not only engorge the cock, it will engage the mind, and Cruz and Gobo have an uncanny ability to do both. As I wrote to them in an email, they can make my dick hard using models or scenarios that would ordinarily not arouse me. Now Cruz has launched yet another enterprise, with his life partner Bruno Bond — the website HardFriction.com — that will keep our attention tuned in his direction.

Robert Van Damme is another model who has founded his own company and begun to direct, with some talented assists. His work has a sexy exuberance and beefy models that have made a particular fan of reviewer Harley Shadow.

Though no longer a couple, business partners Damien Crosse and Francesco D'Macho blew the opposition out of the running with their guerilla-style videography and editing on their website StagHomme.com, and their absolute relish for sex seized on the run and at any opportunity. The "30 Loads of Facials" series is nasty and brilliant, and "Coffee With the Stars" is as compulsively watchable as the sex scenes. It ought to be on TV.

Finally, Tony Buff has expanded everyone's sexual vocabulary with Titan's Rough line, proving that one can be articulate and intelligent and still deliver walloping orgasms. His work this year on both sides of the camera made him an early contender for 2009 Performer of the Year, and he cinched it when he told me in an interview that people need to put aside the archaic concept of losing one's virginity, in favor of a more healthy outlook of claiming one's sexuality without shame.

Chi Chi LaRue took me gently to task last year when I omitted her from my "Best of the Decade" list. But in 2009, she came back with a wicked left-right that left me reeling: Tread Heavy and Taken: To the Lowest Level. There's no doubt that LaRue merits the 2009 Best Director award.

Michael Lucas is another person for whom 2009 was a great year. He found his muse in Israel and delivered a pair of towering rival films, Men of Israel and Inside Israel, not to mention domestic gems like Lost Diary of Giovanni and Wall Street. A sidekick's life is hell, but mr. Pam (who ought to change her billing to MR. Pam) must be acknowledged as the power behind the throne.

Raging Stallion did not three-peat this year with Focus/ReFocus, but this powerhouse studio had many "must see" films, including The Trap, The Visitor, Menace and Port of Entry. Tony Dimarco is at the top of his game and RSS newcomer Andrew Rosen — a triple-threat writer, director and editor — made a terrific debut with The Trap, a Best Film contender.

Normally, I consider models to be the least interesting component of gay porn. They have a short shelf life and their popularity is more often than not tied to what's hot in pop culture at the time. Tattoos, eight-packs and manscaping are hot now, just as tan lines, cock rings and mustaches were a decade ago. But 2009 still produced more interesting models than many earlier years. My short list for "Hottest Man on the Planet" has never had more than two names on it; in 2009, I could easily have picked a dozen. Maybe I'm getting old and they are my Viagra.

One final comment. My fellow critic Vincent Lambert said, in Mark Adams' year-in-review column, that twins dominated the scene in 2009, and he gave persuasive reasons. I would say that sexual imagination dominated the scene in 2009: the phantasmagoria of Chi Chi LaRue's Lowest Level or basest dreams; the fetish-populated Trap of Andrew Rosen; Michael Lucas's sea platform surrounded by billowing gauze; Csaba Borbely's sex yacht; the freshness and variety of Brian Mills' BDSM scenarios for Titan's Folsom series; Kristen Bjorn's ability to choreograph models like an architect designing a structure; and the huge surprise of Strongboli's cynical but enormously erotic takes on fucking. There are surely more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in any one person's sexual philosophy, which brings us full circle.

Performer of the Year
Tony Buff
Runners-up: Jonathan Agassi, Derrek Diamond, Dominic Pacifico, Robert Van Damme

Best Film USA
Inside Israel, Lucas Entertainment
Runners-up: Fist & Piss, Titan Rough; Taken: To the Lowest Level, Rascal Video; The Trap, Raging Stallion Studios; Up Yours, Hot House

Best Film Foreign
Love Addiction, Sarava Productions
Runners-up: Action!, Kristen Bjorn Productions; Duro, AMG Brasil; Hung Ladz 5: Thick & Throbbin’, Eurocreme; Lost at Sea, Diamond Pictures

Best Director USA
Chi Chi LaRue, Taken: To the Lowest Level, Rascal Video
Runners-up: Tony Buff & Paul Wilde, Fist & Piss, Titan Rough; Michael Lucas & mr. Pam, Inside Israel, Lucas Entertainment; Robert Van Damme & Gino Colbert, Robert Van Damme’s Private Party, RVD Productions; Chris Steele, Tackle, Jet Set Men

Best Director Foreign
Strongboli, Love Addiction, Sarava Productions
Runners-up: Kristen Bjorn, Action!, Kristen Bjorn Productions; Dennis Bell, Duro, AMG Brasil; Herve Bodilis, Horse Club, High Octane; Simon Booth, Hung Ladz 5: Thick & Throbbin’, Eurocreme

Best Director — Web
Damien Crosse and Francesco D'Macho, Staghomme.com

Best Screenplay
Tread Heavy, Rascal Video
Runners-up: 5 Easy Ways to Fuck a Straight Guy, Jet Set Men; Pirate's Booty, Adult Source Media; South Beach Seductions, Lucas Entertainment; Tackle, Jet Set Men; Wall Street, Lucas Entertainment

Best Actor USA
Marcus Steele, Car Jackers, Jet Set Men
Scott Alexander, South Beach Seductions, Lucas Entertainment; Benjamin Bradley, Tread Heavy, Rascal Video; Steve Cruz, Focus/ReFocus, Raging Stallion Studios; Kain Warn, Wall Street, Lucas Entertainment

Best Actor Foreign
Ariel Vanean, Follow Me, AYOR Studios
Runners-up: Bruno Bordas, Love Addiction, Sarava Productions; Daniel Marvin, Love Addiction, Sarava Productions; Manuel Rios, Night Out, Bel Ami; Kurt Rogers, Insatiable, Alphamedia Media

Best Supporting Actor
Ryan Raz, Focus/ReFocus, Raging Stallion Studios
Runners-up: Brodie Newport, Anal Intruder, RVD Productions; Mason Ross, Screwed, Jet Set Men; Giovanni Summers, Lost Diary of Giovanni, Lucas Entertainment; Diesel Washington, Playbook, Titan

Best Non-sexual Performance
Joe Wicht, Focus/ReFocus, Raging Stallion Studios

Best Videography
Focus/ReFocus, Raging Stallion Studios
Runners-up: Dirty!, Mustang Studios; Folsom Flesh, Titan Media; Men of Israel, Lucas Entertainment; The Trap, Raging Stallion Studios

Best Art Direction
Focus/ReFocus, Raging Stallion Studios
Runners-up: Horse Club, High Octane; Men of Israel, Lucas Entertainment; Port of Entry, Raging Stallion Studios; Taken: To the Lowest Level, Rascal Video

Most Passionate Sex
Jay Roberts & Brice Farmer, Paris Playboys, Lucas Entertainment
Runners-up: Spencer Reed & Raf Rollin, Auditions 30: New York Hunks, Lucas Entertainment; Ty LeBoeuf & Race Cooper, Dirty!, Mustang Studios; Nacho Navas and Andrés de la Serna, Love Addiction, Sarava Productions; Brandon Manilow & Brian Bennet, Seriously Sexy, Bel Ami

The Year’s Best Sex

1. CJ Madison and Coby Mitchell, Double Barrel, Titan Media
2. Tony Buff & Will Parker, Folsom Flesh, Titan Media
3. Alessio Romero & Fabio Stallone, Hard Friction, Raging Stallion
4. Matan Shalev & Jonathan Agassi, Men of Israel, Lucas Entertainment
5. Erik Rhodes & Derrek Diamond, Pledgemaster: The Hazing, Falcon Studios
6. Francesco D’Macho & Damien Crosse, Porn Stars in Love, Raging Stallion
7. Afrikan Prince & Venom, Queens Plaza Pickup 3, Real Urban Men
8. Robert Van Damme & Tyler Saint, Robert Van Damme’s Private Party 3, RVD Productions
9. Benjamin Bradley & Jesse Santana, Tackle, Jet Set Men
10. Benjamin Bradley & Nelson Troy, Tread Heavy, Rascal Video

Best Sex for 3 or More

1. Ross Hurston, Lucas Knowles & Ethan Wolfe, Backroom Exclusive Videos 11, Hot House
2. The final orgy in Duro, AMG Brasil
3. Adam Killian, Steve Cruz & Ricky Sinz, Focus/ReFocus, Raging Stallion
4. James Jones, Dark Devil & Jack Dragon, Horse Club, High Octane
5. Daniel Marvin, Pedro Andreas & Bruno Bordas, Love Addiction, Sarava Productions
6. Tris Roberts, Shawn Hunter & Damien Holt, Manhole 2, Mustang Studios
7. Ethan Grant, Ross Hurston & Nick Moretti, Masterpiece, Hot House
8. Bruno Bordas, Carlos Sanchez & Armando Campos, Prison Breakers, Alexander Pictures
9. The gangbang of Shane Risk, Taken: To the Lowest Level, Rascal Video
10. Jackson Lawless, Rick Van Sant & Josh West, Up Yours Pt. 1, Club Inferno

Best Daddy-Boy Scene
Nick Moretti & Conner Habib, Brief Encounters, Pantheon Productions
Runners-up: Fred Faurtin & Brett Carter, Hung Ladz 5: Thick & Throbbin', Eurocreme; Dirk Jager & Kyle Quinn, Playbook, Titan Media; James Connor & Leo Mack, SX Files, Fresh SX; Arpad Miklos & Ethan Storm, Wall Street, Lucas Entertainment

Best Solo
Adam Killian, Taken: To the Lowest Level, Rascal Video
Runners-up: Jason Crew, Backroom Exclusive Videos 14, Hot House; Blu Kennedy, Backroom Exclusive Videos 12, Hot House; Landon Mycles, Straight Edge 4, Jet Set Men; Ethan Storm, Wall Street, Lucas Entertainment

Best Oral Sex
Rafael Carreras & Valentin Petrov, Lost Diary of Giovanni, Lucas Entertainment
Runners-up: Landon Mycles & Hayden Stephens, Car Jackers, Jet Set Men; Dominic Pacifico, Erik Grant & Gunner, Gunner World, Raging Stallion Studios; Ralph Woods & Sascha Chaykin, The Private Life of Ralph Woods, Bel Ami; Rafael Alencar & Ben Andrews, Wall Street, Lucas Entertainment

Best Rimming
Steve Cruz & Cole Streets, Focus/ReFocus, Raging Stallion Studios
Runners-up: Rob Ryder & Jessie Jordan, Curious, Buckshot; Pistol Pete & Bruno Bond, Menace, Raging Stallion Studios; Paris & Venom, Queens Plaza Pickup 3, Real Urban Men; Hunter Vance & Riley Burke, South Beach Seductions, Lucas Entertainment

Best Dirty Talk
Pirate's Booty, Adult Source Media

Best Music
Focus/ReFocus, Raging Stallion Studios
Runners-up: Men of Israel, Lucas Entertainment; Port of Entry, Raging Stallion Studios; Screwed, Jet Set Men

Having a Blast! *cum shot*
Diesel Washington, Rear Deliveries, Raging Stallion Studios
Runners-up: Jason Crew, Backroom Exclusive Videos 14, Hot House; Ethan Grant & Ross Hurston, Masterpiece, Hot House; Manuel Lopez, Stag Fight, Stag Homme; Spencer Reed, The Trap, Raging Stallion Studios

Best New Kids on the Block
Performer: Jonathan Agassi
Director: Robert Van Damme
Studio: the completely reborn Mustang Studios
Destination: Israel
Website: Staghomme.com

Best Classic DVD
Erotic Explorer, Bijou Video

Onan's Pantheon of Michelangelo Bodies
Austin Wilde, AJ Irons

Deepest Throat
Damian Rios
Hon. Mention: Rafael Carreras

Most Fuckable Boy in the World
Conner Habib
Hon. Mention: Landon Mycles

Best Chest
Furry: Charly Diaz
Smooth: Avi Dar

Best Buns
Naor Tal
Hon. Mention: Derrek Diamond

Best Mind Fuck
Blake Riley fucks a synthetic mold of his own ass, Rascal: A Toy Story, Rascal Video
Hon. Mention: end of the Dean Flynn-Bryan Slater scene, Battle Creek Breakdown, Titan Media

Savage Humor Award

• Diesel Washington uses his cum as wallpaper paste, Red Light, Mustang Studios
• "18 West Overture," a long compilation of cumshots set to the music of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture, Skyler's Sex Adventures, 18 West Studios
• The "Caution: Wet Floor" sign Tony Mecelli puts up in Locker Room after he and Vince Ferelli spooge all over the floor, Hot House
• Jean Franko uses his GayVN Best Actor trophy as a sex toy, Action!, Kristen Bjorn Productions

Hottest Man on the Planet
Andrew Justice
Hon. Mention: Dominic Pacifico

Chance Erotic Image
Jessie Jordan does a handspring over the recumbent Rob Ryder, stealing a kiss on the way, Curious, Buckshot
Hon. Mention: Ryan Torreta's shy cocktease striptease, Duro, AMG Brasil

Things They Didn't Teach You at School
Catheterization, Triage, Titan Media

Image too incendiary for words
Jackson Wild in heels and boa, Cockstalker, Lucas Entertainment

Triple X Triple Crown
Jason Crew, who can suck, fist and fuck himself

posted Feb. 14, 2010