Here Cums the Bridegroom
a review by Onan the Vulgarian
Best of Phoenix Alternative Video Reviewer
rating
Here Cums the Bridegroom Cast: Glenn Santoro, Lucio Maverick, Akos Piros, Solten Talton, Mario McCabe, Rick Bauer, James Jordan, extras.
Directed by Tom Bradford.
Private Man Productions. Internet and mail-order, www.man-size.com.
Click here to purchase.

In Here Cums the Bridegroom, Glen Santoro has just been married, and friends and relatives have gathered poolside at the country club for the reception. While Glen and his bride bill and coo, the bride's brothers, Lucio Maverick and Mario McCabe, confer like two catty queens about whether Mario secretly lusts after his new brother-in-law and what the new relative's sexual history is. Mario denies any attraction but Lucio resolves to fuck Glen before the bride does.
    One long lascivious look from Lucio, and Glen follows him into the clubhouse. Lucio tells him, "My brother says you are 100 percent straight," and Glen replies that it's true. But Lucio looks deep into Glen's eyes and sees sexual availability. He presses his advantage and soon has Glen eating out of his pants.
    The dialog throughout the film is spoken in English, but sometimes it's difficult to understand. A combination of heavy accents, poor microphone placement and — as in the next scene — the screaming sounds of sex often conspire to muddle comprehension. I'd like to see English as one of the languages in which subtitles are offered.
    Lucio and Glen emerge from the clubhouse after fucking, looking nonchalant and fresh as daisies. Mario is peeved, wondering if his brother really just fucked his new brother-in-law while everyone was only a few feet away.
    Akos Piros is the father of the bride, and he invites Glen to come inside with him for a moment to discuss family business. The dialog for this scene is the lengthiest and the cleverest in the film, loaded with double entendres and hilarious one-liners from Akos (many while having sex) that may be ad-libs or scripted.
    Glen's worthiness to participate in the family business comes down to a sexual audition. Piros relishes the taste of his son-in-law's ass, in an extended rimming scene in which Akos uses his tongue, his lips, his nose and his bald head. Then they fuck each other, with Akos declaring, while being fucked, that his hole is wedding gift to Glen because "nobody fucks me" and further proclaiming to Glen, while getting speared ever deeper and faster, "My daughter will enjoy you."
    Solten Talton (aka Julien Veneziano) is the boyfriend of one of the bridesmaids but he too is captivated by the handsome groom. At an auspicious moment, he follows Glen into the clubhouse. Glen wants to know why and Solten makes up a reason, but when Glen asks "is that all?" Solten replies by locking lips with him. Glen's cock and ass must being feeling well-used by now, but that doesn't prevent him from succumbing to Solten's advances. It's a very romantic tryst, with lots of kissing and a sensuous fuck in the spoons position.
    Rick Bauer is another wedding guest who, when he hears from Lucio that the groom is giving it away in the clubhouse, wants a turn. He gets Roland Dane (one of the film extras) to distract the bride so he can lure the groom inside. Mario is really annoyed now, taking the attitude "I wanted him first" but watching as one guy after another gets a piece of Glen. Lucio tells him to stop whining and if he wants Glen, to take him. So Mario goes following after.
    Rick and Glen stop making out under Mario's intense and disapproving glare. Mario asks, "did you fuck my brother?" and Glen gives him a Judas kiss in response. This nicely paced scene has a lot of sucking, a bit of rimming and plenty of fucking, in which every guy tops and every guy bottoms, with Mario showing off his ability to have multiple orgasms.
    James Jordan, another guest, has noted Glen's many long absences, and when Lucio tells him why, they decide that everyone in attendance who lusts after the groom should gang-bang him. Lucio, Mario and Rick decide they want seconds, and together with Jordan, they confront Glen, who recants his claim of being 100 percent straight and lets them all fuck him (with Mario and Rick also bottoming after everyone wears out Glen). Mario has multiple orgasms once more and after they finish, clean up and get dressed, they emerge from the club house to mingle with the wedding guests, Glen kissing the bride and all the guys smiling like cats who just swallowed canaries (and more).
    Glen Santoro is one of the hardest-working bottoms in Eastern Europe today, combining a magnificent body, a handsome face and an indefatigable ass into a sensational package. In Here Cums the Bridegroom, he also gets to act, turning in a performance that's as solid as his muscles. Director Tom Bradford has always turned out top-notch porn; this comic bonbon will only expand his reputation.
    The widescreen DVD has model bios, trailers, dialog in five languages, subtitles in three languages.

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