Casting Couch a review by Onan the Vulgarian Best of Phoenix Alternative Video Reviewer

	Cast: Brad Patton, Brian Hansen, Jose Ganetti, Julian Vincenzo, Lucio Maverick, Mickey, Rod Stevens, Roland Dane, Zoltan Gondor. Directed by Roland Dane for Olympus.
	COLT Studio Group, P.O. Box 883694, San Francisco, CA 94188. Toll-free orders 800-445-COLT (in CA, 415-437-9800). Internet www.COLTstudiostore.com

Casting Couch, the new Olympus release from COLT Studio's European division has impeccable cast, director and studio credentials. But the parts never gel and the overall production fails to reach critical mass. There's so much that seems gratuitous, as if the director or producers tried to cram so much in that they ended up with too much garnish and not enough food.
    On top of that, there are some questionable decisions, such as letting Brian Hansen wear a black and white buffalo plaid shirt in two scenes, when every time he or the camera moves, you see annoying moiré interference patterns. Or having every model (except Stevens) über-waxed.
    The film opens on a beach in Thailand — a good example of gratuitous. Roland Dane takes a call on his cell phone, summoning him back to Hungary. He jumps on his motorcycle and rides to his hotel or resort, and then we see a plane taking off. No sex, no Thai boys. No need for this scene.
    We next see Dane in Brian Hansen's office. Brian runs a European TV studio that has hired a temperamental American matinee idol, Brad Patton, to guest-star in a new series Dane will direct. Hansen stumbles through his lines without a retake to correct the pauses or the bloopers — like "Hungaria." I consulted Google to see if this was an acceptable alternate name for Hungary, and it's not, even though it is used twice in the film.
    Julian Vincenzo, Lucio Maverick, Mickey and Rod Stevens are the script writers, and they celebrate the lucrative sale of their work with a bottle of champagne and an orgy. They do a good job of mixing it up, beginning with sucking and some rimming of Rod by Julio. They split into pairs to fuck, then a sandwich, then everyone gang-bangs Mickey.
    Another example of overkill is the scene in which Roland picks up the script. You'd think you were watching a gangster film, as two cars, one black and one white, pull up head-to-head on a dirt road outside of town so Mickey can hand over a sheaf of papers.
    Next there's a press conference, in which Brian announces the start of production and fields boring questions from the audience. It adds nothing we didn't know, unless you count an inside joke that Brad's lines will be dubbed by Tom Settle. All it does is spend four minutes setting up the next sex scene, in which news reporter Jose Ganetti asks for special access to the star and earns it by bedding Brian. Mickey is tossed into the scene so that he and Jose can double-fuck Brian, whose tight buns prove quite up to the task. Brian also fucks Jose and Jose fucks Mickey, so everyone here is versatile, though chemistry is absent.
    Patton arrives and he's made up to look so pale, you think he might faint. He chats with Brian, drinks from the bar in his limo, then shoots a scene with Zoltan Gondor (Jack Laurel, waxed). Jose is on the set and hangs out afterwards for his special access, along with Zoltan. Their three-way confirms all the tabloid stories about Brad's humongous size and his hunger for guys. Brad fucks them both. The camera work is good but Patton has one of the most amazing cocks in porn history so this scene should have been extra special and it wasn't.
    Afterwards, Patton get hit on by his female costar — more gratuitous footage in which he piously (with his hand over his heart) tells her he can't mix business with pleasure. So what did this scene contribute?
    Roland and Brian celebrate the successful completion of Brad's guest role by having sex on a couch. It's the only two-man scene in the film, and both models give energetic performances. Dane seems to appreciate what a fine butt Hansen possesses, and he kneads and fingers it while he sucks. They sixty-nine briefly and fuck for a long time in many (six?) positions, with Dane squeezing Brian's nipples, licking his armpits, crooking an elbow around his neck, kissing him and generally exercising multiple levels of contact and control that send Brian vocally over the edge long before they climax. It's a strong ending that may leave you wondering, why couldn't the other scenes have been this good?
    Casting Couch really could have used tighter editing or a better script advisor. The non-sexual footage designed to carry the story and segue from sex scene to sex scene just didn't do the job well and the sex scenes weren't powerful enough to make up for it. But I give the DVD cover extra points; Patton is awesome, no matter which way you turn him.
    The DVD has contact information, behind the scenes, image gallery, trailers.

Top