Bijou Pre-Condom Double Feature: Log Jammin' w/ Morning Noon & Night a review by Onan the Vulgarian Best of Phoenix Alternative Video Reviewer

	Log Jammin': Craig Jourdan, Bill Baxter, Rusty Williams, Cliff Markham, Mark Heller, Dane Levi. Directed by Sid Roth for Brentwood. Morning Noon & Night: Joe Gage, Greg Miers, Dave Daniels, Tony Lee, Michael Heath. Directed by Nick Elliott.
	Bijou Video, 1349 N. Wells, Chicago, IL 60610. Toll-free orders, 800-932-7111. Internet www.BijouWorld.com.

The narrative thread of Log Jammin' may seem quaint to today's viewers but it was hot as a firecracker in 1980. Two guys are taking a break from work when one of them mentions seeing one of their coworkers fucking another one. He tells his story, and the listener, a born bullshit artist, responds with five more stories. All the stories involve farming, ranching, grease monkeys, lumberjacks and other blue-collar, mostly outdoor occupations. The talkers wrap it up by having sex, which comes as a surprise to the b.s. artist when he learns that it's time to put up or shut up.
    Log Jammin' was originally shot on film but the DVD transfer is remarkably clear. The models are drop-dead gorgeous, with real suntans, crisp tan lines, unwaxed torsos and unbridled libidos. There's nothing quite like the way an waxed body that his been tanned in the sun reflects a soft and downy light. The blond in the hayloft scene, in particular, has a face and body that would be considered the pinnacle of male beauty in any culture or time period.
    Seven scenes make this a great value over and above its erotic heat. As was fairly common in early porn films, there's plenty of facial cum shots and lots of guys eat their own or their partners' jism.
    The next time you hear someone ask "how ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm," slap Log Jammin' into his hand.
    ****
    As a filmmaker, Joe Gage has directed dozens of films, but only once did he appear in front of the camera, as one of the participants in a sex scene. That was in 1975's Morning Noon & Night.
    Greg Miers and Dave Daniels play roommates who both dream of the enigmatic "Red." Red is a character they sometimes see jogging along the shore, and who in both their fantasies is described as handsome, intelligent, loving ... a laundry list of qualities that make him the best catch since Clark Kent.
    But when they talk about all their tricks and all their prospects, they never mention Red to each other. Instead, they joke about how all the handsome and horny guys in the world boil down to just three: one each for morning, noon and night.
    We tag along with Dave for his morning trick and Greg for his afternoon trick, which surprisingly turns to fisting, with Greg as the recipient. Joe Gage is the night trick, who by some error in scheduling ends up having a date with both of them at the same time. That date begins as a home-cooked (by Joe) meal, turns into a food fight, and ends up as a three-way with the entrees as foreplay and an especially large and twisted cucumber as a dildo for Greg.
    The three-way is ultimately unsatisfying for the viewer because either no one climaxes or that part of the original film footage was lost or destroyed. But for Dave and Greg, the three-way opens a window to the realization that, for each of them, "Red" is the other. If you take a second look at the scenes in which they each dream of Red, it was obvious from the start, which makes the director the clever one for so slyly catching us off guard.
    There's lots of non-sexual beach footage that captures lots of attractive guys hanging out, exercising, showing off their athletic skills, lifting weights and more.
    Both DVDs have scene selection; they are sold separately.

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